Novice - Tabula rasa

Tabula rasa.

I'm going to change the meaning of this.

I realize I think of it as empty, sterile,white paper.

Today I'm looking beyond the paper, the screen, all variations of the blank slate. I'm even looking beyond psychological and philosophical definitions of the mind.

I'm looking at tabula rasa as my audience. As who I write for. It's liberating.

I'm not concerning myself with who reads what I write. Maybe I'm getting narcissistic in my old age.

But it's not that I don't care about you.

It's just that when I think of you as an audience my words change. The words I wanted to write are discarded, deleted.

And it's not that I don't want to communicate in a meaningful way.

I want to see what happens when I publish my thoughts. Unedited. I want to see what happens to me.

Do I feel naked?

When I push the thought of an audience aside, my eyes gazing without preconception at tabula rasa,
I feel...well... holy.

A microcosm of creation.

Then, little sparks of light shining like stars on the night sky pop up. My husband, my friend, my sister writer.

Tiny constellations.

Faint at first, then brighter. Then some fade from view again spinning round and away.

And then a vast dark seemingly endless sky is my audience.

Tabula rasa transformed into deep space...dark void...swirling...

I'm starting to feel the difference...there's no wrong way, right way, good way, bad way...tabula rasa receives me...