Walking between tear drops

Decision time .  

The group had grown too, too confining . It felt to her like they were going around and around and around in circles . Their words floated out of their pursed lips like smoke rings . Unimaginative halos of niceties . When things started to get more sharply intimate and real, hazy psychological walls of words would come up . smoke . wisps .  

A little psychology is not a good thing . It made one think they know something . superiority . pedigree . control . Made them experts at hiding behind psycho babble . made it seem noble . appropriate .

Boundaries misused keep other’s at arms length . withhold comfort from the lonely . distance . 

Like avoid triangulation . To her it sounded like strangulation, which is exactly how she was feeling . crushed . squashed . Holding back what she really wanted to express .  

These things she noticed and kept quiet . colluding . compliant .

She had to make a choice .  Forfeit familiarity for the unknown . imitation friendships foster disenchantment . it made her wild with sorrow . sad . solemn . 

It dismayed her to realize she was not complacent . That instead she wanted to speak words of truth that would strike like lightning . That she wanted swords to clash . Blades of words to cut through the fluffy folly of their rules of conduct . etiquette . protocol . 

Let's cut the crap . Live instead on feral dreams and untamed stars where the savage night is on fire ! 

Not here . Not with this group . 

All this fire inside me, she thought . I didn’t think I knew fire . But here it is . hot . blazing .

The fire wasn’t the problem though . She needed the fire for the conflagration of words . forge . combust . She needed her single flame to burn her way through the cooped up feeling . circles . circles .

She’d faced the trial by fire . jumped through rings of smoke . 

Now she needed to walk between tear drops . rain .